There are situations where making an amend might cause more harm than good. Assess whether making amends might cause additional harm to the other person involved. For example, contacting someone you’ve harmed may exacerbate their distress, especially in severe cases like drunk driving. Expressing genuine remorse and even regret for the pain caused is a key element. It’s important to be in a state of readiness, both emotionally and mentally, before reaching out. Assess whether the person you’re approaching is prepared to engage in the conversation about amends, as it can significantly impact the outcome.

Pay Back Your Scholarship

In this case, making what some people refer to as a “living amends” is an alternative option. Living amends are about examining what thoughts and attitudes led to the earlier harmful behavior. As you make a living amends, you consciously look for ways to treat people in your life with more care and respect than you did before. By doing so, you’re preparing yourself for the next relationships in your life and becoming able to be a reliable friend to new people.

• Sometimes, simply contacting a person that you’ve victimized because of your addiction can hurt them again.
• The Big Book only mentions one clear-cut exception for the direct approach of step nine.
• Congratulations to the following sober livings for receiving scholarships Grace Recovery ATX, Active Recovery Housing, MIR House, Heartwood Recovery.
• Some relationships and past traumas require more than a Step 9 conversation.
• We may even start to think of our past as a gold mine of experiences to share with other people we’re trying to help in recovery, instead of as a period of darkness that we regret.

What Are Living Amends? And How Do You Make Them? Cake Blog Cake: Create a Free End of Life Plan

But to rectify this damage, we can’t maintain the same “me first” attitude that many of the other steps require. It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. I feel like I’ve actually built a sober family here in Texas, and it’s all thanks to Living Amends. I feel like I not only have a fighting chance at long-term sobriety but a good chance at long-term sobriety.

Programs and results

Another way to start your walk with God by doing a simple and straightforward Bible study that we wrote – How to Have a Quiet Time with God. This 8-week Bible study will help you build your quiet time with the Lord if you do not already have one established. If you need a good place to start, consider doing a Bible study or starting a Bible reading living amends plan.

The Importance of Making Amends in Recovery

If you have taken these steps in recovery, please leave a comment! Trust the recovery process and believe in God to truly prosper! The main difference between the two recovery programs is that Celebrate Recovery is living amends a Christ-centered recovery program. However, if you are searching for answers related to AA’s Step 9, you’ve come to the right place because, as mentioned, the 12 steps are the same.

Join the WYG Online Grief Community

Additionally, the individual must pay the cost back as they continue through the sober living facility. Doing so ensures that the person you help will also benefit other people. Teasing out the difference between guilt and regret can be tough. Unlike other sober living scholarships, your future is in your hands.

Understanding the harm you caused the people in your life is critical for reflecting on your addiction. Making a living amends involves apologizing to your loved ones that you hurt and using your actions to prove you have changed and are committed to living a healthier and sober lifestyle. Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently. Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible.

David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning. In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother. Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer.

The 164 and More book is sold on this website at the Publisher List Price of $20.00 plus postage. The book may also be sold by Intergroup/Central Offices or recovery book stores at List Price  or slightly higher. But beware of others that sell the book marked up 400% or more. For the same money, you could buy 4 books and use 3 as sponsee gifts. Living Amends will not be funding scholarships during the months of July and August 2025.

Guilt and Grief: Making A Living Amends

Therefore some Step Nine amends may take a little creativity and patience. Working this stepshould never lead to the further harm of others. Direct Amends – taking personal responsibility for your actions and confronting the person who you would like to reconcile with. Don’t talk nonstop, and not give the other person a chance to respond.2. If a person becomes toxic or abusive with you, don’t insist they change their response. Don’t look for ways to partially blame the other person for the harm you created.4.

Take the Next Steps

In direct amends, you see the person you’ve harmed so you can take ownership of what happened. Taking ownership involves accepting responsibility, of course. Also, you need to be prepared to listen to the other person when they explain how you harmed them and what other consequences it had in their lives. By listening to them, you can begin Sober living house to do the work necessary to repair the harm. Unlike fixing an object you broke, repairing the damage won’t come from a one-time act.

Step nine, in particular, gets people to work through shame and discomfort as they meet people they’ve hurt face-to-face to apologize. An apology here would be considered part of a person’s direct amends. It’s really hard to apologize to those you’ve hurt — it takes courage and humility and requires a deep, intense look at yourself. Thankfully, there are tips you can take to help make your living amends permanent and lasting. For example, one situation where you may avoid amends would be confessing infidelity to a partner or admitting something unlawful. You may also want to tread carefully with toxic family members you must make amends to but need to keep a safe distance from for your sobriety’s sake.